The Little Feeling Called Weariness

Do you know that feeling, when you really want to do something but can't? When you're too tired to think straight, although you slept fine at night? Or when you simply can't focus on your work right in front of you, because your brain thinks you should take a nap?

 

I get that feeling quite often. As somebody who works from home and is her own boss, it doesn’t make life and working a single bit easier. Quite on the contrary, it makes it harder and is also pretty annoying. I might be sitting in front of the notes for my newest novel thinking about what should happen next in the storyline. Or I might sit in front of the translation of my first novel struggling to find the right phrases and words to make it sound as good in German as it does in English. Or I might sit in front of my laptop trying to figure out what to write on my blog. The feeling doesn’t care where I am or what I do. It simply appears whenever it feels like it, whenever it wants to bother me and keep me from thinking straight for more than one minute.

 

No matter how much sleep I get at night or how awake and good I feel, at some point during the day the feeling comes around the corner with a big, slightly sadistic smile on its face. And then it’s like one of those scenes from a movie in which you’ve got a devil sitting on one shoulder and an angel on the other – one trying to keep you from working and the other trying to push you forwards. But what should I do? Should I listen to the little angel who tells me to focus just for a little while longer because it would be worth it in the end? Or should I listen to the small devil telling me to stop whatever I’m working on and rather spent some time on YouTube or take a nap or do something else as long as it doesn’t have anything to do with what I actually should do? How do I decide between what is necessary and what I think I might want to do? How do I decide between two things I love, writing and relaxing?

 

The annoying feeling with its sadistic smile doesn’t make any decision easier for me. And it doesn’t help with anything either. Yet, it comes everyday and stays for as long as it feels like it, even when I do decide to take a nap. But still, I need and want to get things done. So what do I do? Well, deciding on some kind of smaller schedule is the easier part of the process, following it proves to be more difficult. I try to tell myself to just keep going for a little while longer – maybe to a certain paragraph or a certain point of the story – and then, after I reach that point, I take a short break. Whether it’s taking an half an hour nap or watching two to three videos on YouTube, I look for something which takes my mind off of my work and which might satisfy the little, annoying feeling at least slightly. And then I try to go back to work again.

 

My schedule for working at home and as your own boss consists of stages filled with work as well as stages filled with relaxation and doing nothing. If I wouldn’t take breaks, I would never be able to shake the little feeling called weariness in the slightest.

 

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